How To Forgive
Everyone experiences interpersonal hurts, including acts of omission (e.g., being neglected) and acts of commission (e.g., intentional or unintentional harm). People respond to these transgressions in different ways, such as seeking justice, “letting go” of the offence, or choosing to forgive the wrongdoer. Research indicates that forgiveness is a helpful way to cope with offences, and it can be supported using forgiveness interventions. Based on Wade and Worthington’s (2005) ‘common ingredients’ of forgiveness therapies, this information handout describes what forgiveness is and what it entails. It is designed to help clients understand the process of forgiveness, so they can decide whether it is the approach they wish to take.
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Offers theory, guidance, and prompts for mental health professionals. Downloads are in Fillable PDF format where appropriate.
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Introduction & Theoretical Background
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness has been defined in a variety of ways, including:
A willingness to abandon one’s right to resentment, negative judgment, and indifferent behavior toward one who unjustly injured us, while fostering the undeserved qualities of compassion, generosity, and even love toward him or her.
Enright, 1998
A process that leads to the reduction of unforgiveness (bitterness, anger, etc.) and the promotion of positive regard (love, compassion, or simply, sympathy and pity) for the offender.
Wade & Worthington, 2005
Letting go of negative affect (e.g., hostility), negative cognitions (e.g., thoughts of revenge), and negative behavior (e.g., verbal aggression) in response to considerable injustice, and also may involve responding positively toward the offender (e.g., compassion)
Rye & Pargament, 2002
While some components of forgiveness are contested (such as the need to feel positively toward the offender), these conceptualizations share an emphasis on
Therapist Guidance
"When we feel betrayed, offended, or hurt by someone, we try to cope with these experiences. One way of coping is to forgive the other person. Forgiveness is a process that takes time and effort, but it can help us feel better and move on. This information handout describes some of the key steps of forgiveness. Would you like to take a look and see if forgiveness is a good option for you?"
Cautions and special considerations when exploring forgiveness
- Several authors have criticized conceptualizations, practices, and values associated with popular forgiveness interventions, highlighting the need for caution (e.g., Legaree et al., 2007; Worthington & Lamb, 2023). Important considerations for therapists who are considering using forgiveness interventions include:
- Discuss ways of coping with transgressions at the right time. While many clients want to explore forgiveness in therapy (Wade et al., 2005b), premature discussions can be invalidating, pathologizing, shame-inducing, guilt-inducing,
References And Further Reading
- Affinito, M. G. (2002). Forgiveness in counseling: Caution, definition, and application. In S. Lamb & J. G. Murphy (Eds.), Before forgiving: Cautionary views of forgiveness in psychotherapy (pp. 88-111). Oxford University Press.
- Akhtar, S., & Barlow, J. (2018). Forgiveness therapy for the promotion of mental well-being: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Trauma, Violence, and Abuse, 19, 107-122. DOI: 10.1177/1524838016637079.
- Enright, R. D. (1996). Counseling within the forgiveness triad: On forgiving, receiving forgiveness, and self‐forgiveness. Counseling and Values, 40, 107-126. DOI: 10.1002/j.2161-007X.1996.tb00844.x.
- Enright, R. D. & Fitzgibbons, R. P. (2000). Helping clients forgive: An empirical guide for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association.
- Gilbert, P. (2020). Compassion: From its evolution to a psychotherapy. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 586161. DOI: 10.3389/fpsyg.2020.586161
- Greenberg, L. S. (2015). Emotion-focused therapy: Coaching clients to work through their feelings (2nd ed.). American Psychological Association.
- Greenberger, D., & Padesky, C. A. (2016). Mind over mood: